Fuck this world. I'm beyond help. Nobody understands my pain, nobody seems able to help me ease my pain. Try as I might to contribute to this world I'm seen as ...a burden. My poor parents despair, my wife can't cope with me, I can't cope with myself, my son loves me, I try to be at peace with the world and myself, to help others where I can, to shine some happiness into their lives where I can but inside I'm a complete mess, a complete fuck up. Yesterday I lost €3500, then somehow I won it back again, then today I lost it again. Why? I don't know. But I've been seeking help, from reading, from talking with others, from ringing the Samaritans, from ringing Citizens Advice, from the doctor, from the psychiatrist. In the meantime I am dealing with these demons I can't control them anymore. I am shit, worthless piece of crap that can't support my family. We lost our house, I'm going to lose my house again, I can't hold a job, I'm worth nothing to this shit world. Fuck this world. Fuck it.
Tony,
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel. Im in the world of gambling horror and hate it, detest it yet live and breathe it.
Im conscious yet im not aware of who I am.
Hate, anger to the point of just stopping at violence when those robbing bookmakers take take take...Im truly not right shouting, talking to myself, cursing when im playing FOBT machines and always losing
...im tens of thousands on debt and in one big endless hole.
The the guilt, self hatred and suicidal thoughts arise. Oh how I wish to be at peace.
But u know what...im a fighter and im stopping.
Im staying strong....I need to for my family.
I hate all bookmakers and casinos...666 is the devils roulette and bookmakers business.
Stay strong, read otherheartful stories from other gamblers and take strength from them as I just did from your story.