Saturday, April 28, 2012

Belief and acceptance in recovery from gambling addiction

28-04 2012

I'm depressed today. Why? well I accept my past..I can't change it..I'm not angry about the past..I can't change it.
I'm disturbed about today in this moment. Why? well I want to move on but its just so damn hard.

I've submitted hundreds of job applications in past two weeks and nothing, no interviews, only standard rejection responses. Its not easy now to cover up 25 years of gambling, I've had a few gaps in my career!

Friends - I don't have so many after a life of pushing them away and where my only hobby was gambling..all those gambling acquaintances are ditched now.

My immediate family (parents, brothers and sisters) - don't see them. and its been that way for the last 25 years. Still feel stigmatized by my family for my gambling addiction.

Gambling addiction and recovery is very lonely, and even today I still feel the stigma, the silence, nobody knows what to say particularly about the financial aspects of it, people don't understand so they distance themselves, they criticise, and even condemn..and certainly in everyday life there is not much empathy.

This is the single most important reason I have to remind myself that I MUST TRULY BELIEVE and close down the doubt and negativity that sometimes tries to take over. The only reason I have for a relapse or worse is that I stop to believe in myself, its not arrogance (a word I have heard recently about myself) but its my way to keep going forward.

I'm going out now for a bike ride! thanks for reading and please share #the secret addiction.


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3 comments:

  1. nigelguywilsonMay 2, 2012 at 4:02 AM

    Hi Tony,

    I'm a trainee journalist and co-founder of stickortwist.co.uk

    I'd really like to interview you for the website about your experiences as a problem gambler and your thoughts on how society can make gambling safer. Is there a chance we could do a short phone interview this week?
    Best,
    Nigel

    ReplyDelete
  2. TonyMay 2, 2012 at 10:06 AM

    Hi Nigel,

    Thanks for your comment and also for working to raise awareness of problem gambling. In principle happy to have the short phone interview as you request. Would like to have a little more background as to what exactly you are working on and the objectives.

    I have sent you a private tweet via twitter with my contact details.

    Thanks, TF

    ReplyDelete
  3. TonyMay 12, 2012 at 8:10 AM

    Shared my story of 30yrs gambling addiction with @nigelguywilson @stickortwistuk.

    Hope in small way to raise awareness.

    http://www.stickortwist.co.uk/2012/05/01/i-started-when-i-was-11-at-13-it-became-a-problem-30-years-with-a-gambling-addiction/

    ReplyDelete

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